


position zero

by assortedwords



Series: one, ten, ten thousand (a3 week 2019) [3]
Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pre-Slash, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-13 22:23:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17496485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assortedwords/pseuds/assortedwords
Summary: Hero worship, second chances, redemption. Taichi, and the messy business of self worth. (Set during Act 3.)Banri isblinding,all lazy confidence and raw intensity, harsh and jagged. Untouchable. It hurts to look at him. Every glance only reminds Taichi how lacking he is; how little charm he has, how small he is. How shameful he is that he has tocheatto stand on stage.But still, Taichi itches to be closer.What if,he thinks, a siren’s lullaby.What if this is how you learn to be something people like? What if Settsu Banri is what you’ve been looking for all along?





	position zero

One of the clearest childhood memories Taichi has is his first love calling him a puppy. The two of them had passed by something Taichi doesn’t remember anymore, and he had whipped around, caught by the way it shone in the sun, still clear as day in his mind today. He would have bounced after it had she not held onto his arm, her grip warm against Taichi’s skin. _What are you, a dog?_ she’d scolded, and Taichi had laughed.

Even as he grows up, Taichi only finds himself repeating the same sequence over and over again. Find, chase, and follow. Sometimes things, more often people these days. His reasons change over the years, too. Somewhere along the line, a laugh of _it’s shiny!_ becomes an increasingly frantic cry: _I want to shine like that too, I want to, I—_

He never does.

He tries. He changes his hair, his clothes, his speech. Every day feels like a race with no finish line but he keeps going anyway, because there _might_ be one up ahead. He chases after fancy yoyo tricks, child actor Sumeragi Tenma, the glittering stage of GODza. Because it might be his lucky break this time. Because people might look his way this time and _keep_ looking. Because he might be loved, this time.

_“A worthless actor—a nobody among nobodies—has no right to stand center stage. …Nanao Taichi, make yourself useful as my pawn.”_

Taichi follows.

And finds Settsu Banri.

Taichi has never seen anyone shine this way before. He’d grown accustomed to the practiced technique of professionals, the way Tasuku and Tenma charm their audiences. The controlled shine of the spotlight.

Banri shines differently. He’s _blinding_ , all lazy confidence and raw intensity, harsh and jagged. Untouchable. It hurts to look at him. Every glance only reminds Taichi how lacking he is; how little charm he has, how small he is. How shameful he is that he has to _cheat_ to stand on stage.

But still, Taichi itches to be closer. _What if_ , he thinks, a siren’s lullaby. _What if this is how you learn to be something people like? What if Settsu Banri is what you’ve been looking for all along?_

So the next chase begins.

 

* * *

 

Taichi’s used to chasing people metaphorically, but it’s easy to take it _literally_ now they’re basically living together _._ Taichi can follow Banri around and not look suspicious at all! Research mode Taichi: activate!

...Except ten minutes in Yuki spots him skulking behind Banri and asks _What do you think you’re doing, stupid doggy_ , and his cover’s blown from there.

“You’re my popularity research subject!” Taichi blurts when Banri turns around, spilling immediately. Taichi wants to figure out how he does it. A part of Taichi just wants to figure out how to _be_ Banri, period. How to carry himself like he has a right to be anywhere he likes, easy no matter what people say, to just be.

Banri gives him an odd look, but lets it slide. Sort of. Taichi gets a muttered “the heck”, but that’s Ban-chan for you.

So Taichi keeps watching. The lazy drawl, the ever-present smugness, the lift of his eyebrow like a cat playing with a mouse. These Taichi already knows well, even if it’s only been a few days. Banri seems to have basically no flaws apart from a terrible personality, and even _that_ he manages to turn into a charm point.

Taichi goes down to dinner with this thought, wondering still when he and Omi head to Room 104 to get Banri and Juza for dinner. Omi’s got one hand on the doorknob when something loud explodes from inside, startling Taichi.

“Did you hear that?” Omi looks at Taichi quizzically, and Taichi nods. It sounded like a yell, maybe, or a—

“Guys, everything okay?” Omi asks as he opens the door. Juza’s staring Banri down, and Banri’s got one fist pulled back—

“—A fight?!” Taichi exclaims before he can stop it, and both of them snap towards him.

“You’re in the way!” Banri snarls.

“Stand back!” Juza throws out equally harshly. Taichi shrinks back on instinct. Omi, on the other hand, just rolls his eyes and walks right in between them. Taichi fears for him. Omi doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d get roughed up too badly, but still, Taichi doesn’t want to see any maiming tonight, light or not.

 _I should help him,_ Taichi thinks. He pushes his body forward even though he’s scared out of his wits, and drags up a cheery facade in a practiced motion. “Ah, ahh!” he says. He hangs onto Banri’s arm, not letting go even when he starts swinging. _Eep! Say something!_ “Ban-chan! Tonight's dinner is Director-sensei's special curry! What kind of curry do you like?”

“Hah?” Banri snaps, and Taichi cowers again. Here it is. He’s going to get socked in the face for interfering and it’ll probably bruise, and Sakyo will come in and start yelling too, and—

“Curry? I like anything—” Banri growls like it’s a retort, pausing as he realizes, bewildered and angry at the same time. _Wait, isn’t that a gap?!_ Taichi nearly misses it, his brain busy with the high that comes with escaping death. Banri blinks. “...Wait, that’s not the fucking point right now—”

“It smells good!” Taichi adds a little desperately, inching towards the door of Room 104 and pulling Banri along, ignoring his protests. He survived, but his job’s not done yet. “Let’s hurry up and eat!”

He manages to drag Banri to the dinner table and sit him down, plopping next to him so he’s trapped. “OmikunandJuzasanwillcomesoon!” Taichi says to Izumi, rushing his words in case Banri hears _Juza_ and goes into shouty mode again. “Aah, Ban-chan! Did I tell you about the game I saw yesterday?”

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Banri says, still prickly. “I’m not a little kid.”

Taichi freezes. “We didn’t want you to fight with Juza-san!” he says guiltily.

Banri’s face twists, and he turns away. “You should have let me,” he grumbles. “Whatever. Just quit looking like a kicked puppy. Tell me about that game.”

Taichi blinks. The moe just keeps coming. He scoots closer, paying no mind to Banri’s scowl. Taichi’s siblings make the same face when they’re throwing a tantrum, and Taichi manages to win them over anyway. “Okay!” Taichi hums. He’s starting to think of Banri a little more fondly now. “So I saw it online, and…”

Though radiant and arrogant, Taichi learns, Settsu Banri is also human.

 

* * *

 

A few weeks later Taichi learns what Banri looks like _without_ confidence. He takes in the way Banri’s eyes slide to the side, what his leader sounds like with a voice rough with regret, words coming out heavy. _I lost_ , Banri says, and Taichi has never, in a million years, imagined those words coming out of Banri.

So Banri knew how to confess his mistakes too.

Taichi puts his hands in his pockets and feels the torn bits of glossy magazine paper rustle against his fingers, the sound of a secret.

He still has so much to learn from him.

* * *

 

“Good work,” Banri says as the two of them pack up, collecting leftover flyers and tips people had left their street act. The wind is cool against their cheeks, autumn settling in and here to stay. “That wasn’t bad. Your reaction time’s improving.”

It’s probably high praise, but all Taichi feels is bitter settling into his stomach, sick and heavy. He’s barely a rookie anymore. He should be better than this. “I guess!” he says instead. “I’ve still got a long way to go, though. Like when you made that feint! I just stood there!”

“I mean, most people would have,” Banri says, as the two of them finish packing and straighten up. “I had a backup plan and everything, but you didn’t even need me to cover.”

“Still,” Taichi grumbles, following after Banri. _Wanna get cola on the way back_ , Banri asks, so they do, stopping in front of a vending machine. Banri jabs at the cola at the machine and two cans roll down, _thump-thump_. Taichi’s still going. “It totally ruined the pace too! The audience definitely noticed.”

“Hm,” is all Banri offers in return, sounding contemplative. He tosses a can at Taichi and Taichi jumps in surprise, fumbling before he catches it. “Aren’t you being too hard on yourself?”

“Huh?” Taichi blinks. The cola bleeds ice-cold water onto his hands.

“I mean, you’re capable.” Banri takes a swig of cola and pulls away with a satisfied _haa_ , and Taichi tries to stare less. “You’re not as good as me, but you’re fine. Everyone fucks up. I don’t get why you’re so hung up about it.”

“It’s…” _It’s because I_ keep _messing up. Because I’ve used up all the chances given to me, but I still keep making mistakes. You’re a genius. You get everything right. What do you know?_

Taichi peels open the tab of his cola and shrugs, smiling. “You wouldn’t get it, Ban-chan!” he says, keeping the bite out of his tone. “I just have to be better.”

 

* * *

 

But Omi overhears Reni calling him, and Taichi sinks to the lowest there could be.

Nobody will trust him again, Taichi thinks as he confesses. He can’t stop crying. _I’m sorry,_ he hears himself say, the only thing stuck in his throat. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

“Taichi-kun…” he hears Izumi say, her voice sad, and it makes him sob harder.

Then it’s silence, too quiet, and Taichi can only imagine what all of them must be thinking. It’s heavy, his throat closing in on itself and his eyes too blurred with tears to see. _They must hate me now. I ruined everything. I’ve never been special, and now the only way I’ve ever stood out is like this. I did this. I did this. I—_

“...Hey, let’s do our portraits.” Banri’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

“Eh?” Director.

With the attention away from him it’s easier to breathe in and out, to focus on the waves of Banri’s voice, softer than he usually is. Taichi listens as Banri goes on, talking about the portraits, what he learned. Taichi’s sobs ebb away slowly, slowly, replaced by hiccups and tight breaths.

“—But Taichi’s was different,” Banri says.

Taichi lifts his head.

“I couldn't get a sense of ‘you’ from your portrait,” Banri continues. “Taichi.” He looks right at him, his voice still soft, and Taichi feels like crying again just because he doesn’t _deserve this_. “Try showing us your real portrait.”

Is there a point? All Taichi really was inside was a nobody. He didn’t have any grand ideal or noble reason behind what he did. Everything he did came down to one thing, and it wasn’t even a _good_ reason—he just wanted to feel loved. He wanted to feel special, for once. There was no way it’d be accepted.

“But I…”

“Convince everyone that way,” Banri says. Not condemnation, not forgiveness. A way for Taichi to play a hand in what he got next, a way for his actions to make a difference. “It’ll be easier to understand than just explaining yourself.”

An offer of redemption.

Determination flickers to life inside him. “—Okay,” Taichi says, swallowing. “I’ll give it a shot.”

 

* * *

 

The night before blooming, Taichi finds himself exhausted beyond belief.

His confession had wrung him dry of tears, but maybe it was everything else catching up to him too; the itch of a secret, the panic and anxiety and sleepless nights. He feels almost empty now, a husk of his usual self, everything he’d been carrying around blown away.

Except he still has GODza to face, and he knows he won’t escape them tomorrow.

“Are you okay?” Omi asks him quietly during their final rehearsal of the night.

Taichi nods, knowing his silence already betrays him. It takes no effort to play feeble for Benjamin tonight, but his tiredness must show in his delivery, tugging and tugging before he finds the emotions somewhere in him. It feels like a lie to even smile, but maybe he should be used to that.

Taichi’s so, so tired.

Sakyo glances over at the two of them when he exits his scene, Capone vanishing from his eyes as he comes closer. Luciano and Lansky snipe at each other a little ways ahead, still full of spirit somehow. Taichi wishes he could be like them, someday.

“Nanao, skip and go to bed if you’re tired,” Sakyo commands in a whisper, eyeing at the way Taichi’s sitting all but slumped against the wall. He crouches to Taichi’s level and looks into his eyes, stern. “There’s no point going through the motions if you’re not absorbing anything.”

“I can still do it!” Taichi protests. A surge of desperation bursts through him somehow, jolting his voice back into him. He can’t stop now. He won’t. But despite his resolve it’s not determination that drives him; it’s _guilt_ , disbelief still that the rest of Autumn had let him stay. Sitting here feels _wrong,_ like Taichi had stolen a place that belonged to someone else better, worthier, with purer intentions than a guilt-ridden attempt at atonement. “I…I need to do this much to repay what I’ve done. I don’t want to be the only one stopping.”

“Taichi…” Omi says finally, after a pause. He exchanges glances with Sakyo. The two of them have the same looks on their faces. Taichi wonders if they’re thinking of their own regrets too.

“Oi!” a voice cuts in. Taichi looks up to see Banri still in the middle of the practice room, what they’d set as the stage. He’s dropped Luciano for the time being; Taichi can tell by the way his shoulders are no longer squared, slid into easy mode. “The hell are all you whispering for? It’s your cue, Taichi.”

“Sorry, Ban-chan!” Taichi says hurriedly, scrambling to his feet. “Didn’t hear!”

“Don’t push yourself if you can’t, Taichi,” Juza says, quiet against Banri’s shouting.

“Aah?! Tomorrow’s the final performance!” Banri counters. “We gotta make it the best one yet.”

“And that won’t happen if you compromise your actors’ wellbeing,” Sakyo shoots back.

“Why don’t we ask Taichi himself?” Banri says, unrelenting. He pins his gaze on Taichi, and so does everyone else. “You wanna go on or not?”

There’s a kind of desperation that comes with confessing your mistakes. Now that everyone sees Taichi for who he really is, behind the mask—cowardly, weak, traitorous—there’s a panic inside of him to change how this reality is. _I can be better_ , a voice inside him cries out, desperate to prove himself better. _Please let me try again. One more time._

The memory of Banri bowing his head flashes across Taichi’s mind, and he jolts. What Banri is offering him now, Taichi realizes as he meets his leader’s expectant eyes, is a second chance.

Again.

It’s more than he deserves (again), but he won’t let go of it (not again, he never has—not last time, and not this time). He would chase those chances again and again, to prove himself not only for other people, but for himself as well. For the possibility—the promise that one day he would become someone others liked, and someone he liked, too.

In a way, he had already, hadn't he? The moment he stepped into MANKAI had been a second chance too. He’d found so much love, so much acceptance. So many people who had taken him for who he was, even at his dirtiest and lowest.

He’d repay all of them on the stage.

 _It’ll be easier to understand than just explaining yourself_.

“‘Are you nii-chan’s friend?’” Taichi asks, taking a step towards the spot next to center stage, next to Banri. He’s not following anymore, he realizes. A smile unfurls across his face, and he lets all of his feelings seep into his acting as he regains composure. The guilt of being a burden; the worry of troubling those who he loved and loved him back. Benjamin must have felt all of it, too. “‘I’m Benjamin. It’s nice to meet you!’”

Banri smirks. Taichi catches the split second it’s Banri before it shifts into Luciano, cocky and intense. Maybe not so different from Banri himself, after all.

“‘You’re definitely not related to Lansky by blood,’” Banri says, but what Taichi hears is _well done._

**Author's Note:**

> Izumi: _(Huh...!? Taichi-kun's acting changed!?)_  
>  \- Act 3/Episode 36
> 
> i tried to wonder why that might be. 
> 
> [prompt](https://twitter.com/a3_week) || day 7: thank you, except it ran away from me. beta'd once again by [will](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurokeitos), whom i love very much
> 
> this is actually only half the reason i ship bantai! the other half sounds something like "taichi constantly mentions banri out of nowhere (room 105's mini convo, for one), banri gently tells him to not to cry or he'll ruin his makeup in act 3 ep 35, all the scattered times they talk to each other in bg/event stories (ex: taichi's stranger SSR bg, adult school trip event...), banri's entire monologue in mantou fist, _i know you're good enough to be by my side,"_ [cut for length]
> 
> i'm very passionate about these two. 
> 
> if you've watched revue starlight you'll probably have the title of this fic burned into your mind w. it's actually a pun! taichi explains in mantou fist that no. 0 is godza (theater?) slang for center stage, and of course taichi himself thinks he's a zero. revstar's version just sounded cooler.
> 
> translations were from healingbonds & krhs on a3's yaycupcake wikia, either used in full or slightly edited. (act 3 ep 6, 33, 34 / mantou fist ep 6 / banri & taichi outside work convo.) i tapped through everything in-game, so fic descriptors of facial expressions/tone should match! 
> 
> thank you for reading, hope you liked it!! i'm pretty proud of this fic haha.


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